August 9, 2008
I’m sitting in Danni’s room in her special chair made for her with love. She’s in the hospital and her dad’s family are taking over this weekend so I can get some rest. There is so much in front of us, a mountain that can only be cast into the sea by faith.
Decisions, decisions, decisions to be made in a short time. Danni is very weak and she struggles to stand from a seated position. She struggles to sit up from laying down. I think the pneumonia may be better but they still have her on oxygen because when she takes it off her blood oxygen numbers drop.
Wheelchairs? Ramps? Walker? Lift chair? Oxygen? Will I be able to lift her, to support her by myself? Will she need 24 hour care? How can I get her home? How do we get her into the house? Can I take care of her and my two other children? The physical therapy people have suggested continued care by a company that rents space in the hospital. Not quite a nursing home and not quite hospital but somewhere in between. I don’t have peace about that, I can’t go back and forth trying to take care of her on one end and my other two on the other.
I feel as if I’m being torn in two. What do I do God? Give me wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Give me scripture to confirm what I should do. I know you will give me strength.
The doc says that the pain in her back could be the cancer moving into her spine. He asked me if I wanted an MRI. “What can be done if it has moved?” I asked “It can be radiated” he says. “Will it kill it?” I ask “No, it may alleviate the symptoms but it won’t kill it,” he replies. “I have to think about it,” I say to him. “There is no rush to do anything at this point, I just want her to have the best quality of life from here,” he says with a look of compassion.
What is he trying to tell me? What is he trying to say without saying it? Where are we with this thing? I will confess that last night I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even talk. I couldn’t say a word. I just wanted to take comfort in Matty’s arms. I fell asleep.
“Lord, What do I do?” I prayed. “Joel chapter 3 was my answer”. I went to Joel 3 the chapter was about judgement. As I read, I waited for the word to speak to me and there it was in verse 10 “…let the weakling say, “I am strong!” and verse 14 “Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision.”
While I realize that the content of this scripture is different somehow I thought God wants Danni and I to say “I am strong” and he will meet us in this valley of decision. For each one of us the “Day of the Lord is near” because we don’t know the day or the hour we will die and have to face him. For Danni, her “Day of the Lord” is near and I take comfort in the fact that she has received Jesus as her savior.
As I thought about these things a song came to my mind. I’ll share it with you.
Jehovah Jireh, my provider, his grace is sufficient for me. Jehovah Jireh, my provider, his grace is sufficient for me. My God shall supply all I need, according to his riches in glory, He will give his angels charge over me. Jehovah Jireh cares for me, for me, for me, Jehovah Jireh cares for me.
Even as I’ve been writing, his spirit confirms his word in this song that plays over and over in my spirit. Jehovah Jireh is a Hebrew term for God meaning- My God will provide or God my provider. What a beautiful song to circulate through my brain at such a time as this bringing me peace beyond words. Once again, I am speechless, (wow, that’s twice in two days, it’s a miracle!)
Anyways, I have faith and instead of wearing myself to a frazzle, I’ve decided to let the Lord handle the details. I know that sounds simple but when I tried on my own in the above mentioned incident I fried myself! Short circuited my brain.
I’m encouraged that I will see a TRUE miracle as I am in a place that requires one. What a perfect moment for God to show his power. Besides all that Jesus says that HIS yolk is easy and HIS burden is light, either I believe his word or I don’t. Either I believe that he wants to provide for me what I need and that I don’t need to worry or I don’t. Simple as that.
As, I looked up this scripture to be accurate in Matthew 11 vs. 25-30 I was encouraged to find it entitled “Rest for the Weary”. I was also delight to read other very familiar scriptures here. I also thought of how Jesus spoke to his disciples about worry in Matthew 6 vs. 25-34. What wisdom. Why do I even think about it? God’s got it under control. I just need to seek first his kingdom and he takes care of the rest.
Father, I believe, forgive my unbelief and help me to kick back, take your yoke upon me and rest in your provision for me. Thank you for your peace. I can’t wait to see you move! I give you praise in advance for the wonders my eyes will see. AMEN It shall be so!
August 9, 2008