August 1, 2008
It's been a difficult day for Danni. It's a struggle for her to get out of bed, physically she's weak today. But, she presses on even when I can tell that it hurts like crazy. She's been having pretty strong headaches today and her back is giving her fits. I guess she's built like me.
She insists on doing it herself and rarely asks for help. It's so hard for me to turn and walk out of the room, she doesn't want me to watch or try to help her. She's not prideful she just knows she has to keep moving and she has to use her own muscles to keep them going.
One foot in front of the other, from wall to wall and furniture to furniture she soldiers on. People ask me how she is doing, most just to be polite, they don't want to know what I see. But, I can't say that I blame them, I don't want to know what I see either.
Danni and I are not the only one who is suffering in the house, it's been a struggle for all of us. But God is faithfull, I have to continue to believe that God has a plan and that he's working everything out for our good. Living by faith, isn't that what we're told to do? What other choice do we have? Fear isn't an option.
Through all we're bearing, there is such the presence of God, his peace and joy unspeakable, full of glory. I'm not talking about happiness, I'm talking about joy. Joy is that calm assurance on the inside that isn't affected by circumstance at all. It's like a well springing up inside that just doesn't quit, unless I fear that's why fear isn't an option. I won't make it without the constant abiding presence of joy. Happiness is fleeting and very dependant upon the circumstances of the moment. Give me joy over happiness any day!
Today wasn't the happiest of days, nevertheless, God's peace and joy never left me. God's ways are so different, his thoughts so much higher than ours. I marvel at him. I marvel at Danni. I marvel at life. I have confidence that God will pull our family through.
August 1, 2008