August 25, 2008
This is going to be a big moment week. Wednesday we go to the surgeon to have Danni’s staples removed from where they put the shunt in her head. The incision on her belly is all healed except for a small spot at the top of it where fluid is still coming out. It isn’t infected so I’m grateful for that.
My plans are to ask the surgeon where we are in the scheme of things. If it were his child, would he put her through radiation and chemotherapy? We already know that we aren’t going to kill the cancer so at best we might be able to slow it down. But what are the side effects of yet another medicine (the chemo drug) and radiation.
Even though she’s stronger now and can move about on her own, how will it be for her to ride for 2 hours (hour there and an hour back) for a 10 minute treatment every day for six weeks. How will she do laying on a hard surface with her head strapped down during the treatment? When she had her radiation before she was in a lot better condition physically, now so much has changed.
What does the doctor mean by saying “I just want her to have the best quality of life she can have?” I feel like we need to know some specifics. I wanted Danni to be prepared for the questions that would arise during our visit. She’s an adult and she has some decisions she needs to make. I told her that I wanted to put all the cards on the table, I told her what I was thinking. This was the first time I talked with her about what we face continuing with treatments.
I told her that she needed to be prepared for what the doctor might tell us. I said that the view I have and continue to hold for her is that God will heal her. So no matter what the doctor said I would hold to my convictions but we have to know what the next step may or may not be.
She listened intently to what I had to say. I told her that the doctor may say don’t do anymore, go home and live what time you have left or he may say start treaments right away.
I told her she needed to pray and ask God what he would have her to do. I told her God would answer her in his own time so not to be afraid if she didn’t get an answer immediately. Every step of the way God has taken over and helped us with every decision and I have no regrets. I have peace that God will take care of things and when the time comes he will give us wisdom for the decisions that are before us.
Danni calmly and quietly said, “Whatever God wants to do he will do.” I asked her how she felt about that and she said, “Its okay, I’m not going to worry about it.” So brave, so much at peace.
It wouldn’t do us any good to worry about it. We’re told many times in scripture not to fear and that’s what we will do. Fear and worry are a waste of time and precious energy.
This isn’t me trying or thinking that I always have to be the strong one, I’m not capable, and I am weak! I cry, I feel, I shudder at the things I see, without Jesus as my savior I am lost! I want to speak my faith not live by fear!
The strength of God within me and Danni comes from accepting Christ as our savior, it is no longer I that live but Christ that lives within me AND the answer to a million of your prayers for us every day that causes us to be the way we are!
It’s all about Jesus my savior. He holds everything together. Everything is in him and for him and through him. Look to Jesus, he is the source!
I pray that my children will have more faith and resolve to live this way than I ever did, that they would start at the place I am at in the Spirit and reach and grow from there. That they would take the good God has given me and it would be multiplied in their lives to the extent God has for them. I give my marvelous God all the glory for the things he has done, for how he has strengthened us during this time and brought unending change to our lives.
I’m excited to see what he will do as we are in a position, in need of a miracle and that’ s the fertile soil in which miracles appear. If things don’t work out the way I would like, I will still praise him by the grace and mercy of God.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce on food, though there are no sheep in the pen and on cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strengh; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
Col 3:1-3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Col 3: 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Luke 21: 34 Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
2 Cor 4:13-18 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
August 25, 2008