April 11, 2008, Praises Along the Way- In the Thick of it.

Standing at the foot of her bed, I saw her for the first time fresh from her fourth surgery in two months. Tubes and wires everywhere, blood on her pillow, her head wrapped up tight in a big white turban of bandages. Holding my breath at every move, she scratches her nose, she coughs a bit, "God, you're killing me," I think to myself.

I've seen her like this before but not for the fourth time. I wonder how much her body can take. What plans do you have for her, God? How will you use her? Whose life will be changed because of hers? I think about all this kid has been through in the last few years and I wonder what does it all mean?

I have to believe that God has a purpose greater than I can see or all this is pointless. I have to trust that God is in control and that he knows what he is doing. I have to live by faith and not by sight or what good are my beliefs? Here is where what's in my heart meets the reality of life. If I give into total fear and despair, I've wasted my entire adult life believing in something that isn't real.

Do I believe or not? Do I trust or not? I think God brings every child of his to this point over and over in varying degrees, refining and skimming, then refining our beliefs again. If I'm not going to believe God and his word now, what's the point? Don't get me wrong, I believe him, I trust him, I do.

But so many of us believers go to church every Sunday, hearing the word of God, saying amen to the messages only to go home and never use what we've just said "amen" to the hour before. Myself included!

It's not that I am someone special or extraordinary, please hear me. I just choose to believe God and his word. Just think how we could change this world if we all did that! Think of the souls that would be saved! If we just lived our lives believing what God's word says is true. I don't always get it right. Even as I write this I am challenged to just believe God more and live his word.

I also know that if I do fear or fret I haven't lost my salvation, I am human. But there is a whole other level that we as Christians could live on. A deeper one of passion and true meaning, there is reality!

Lord, lead me deeper, give me more passion for you. I pray this with fear and trembling knowing that this kind of walk only comes from pain but I can't stay here and I can't go back to the old life so lead me on. I know you will be there with me every step of the way and you have put this desire in me because my sinful heart isn't capable of this or any kind of prayer so I come into agreement with you. Help me Jesus AMEN.

9 comments:

Janet Stone said...

Christy, I played Bible roulette this morning. Before I opened the Bible, I prayed that God would give me something to bring you peace. This is it ~ I hope it does. 2 Corinthians 4:13-18

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen in temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Your strength and faith is what is bringing you through the refiners fire. Your being pounded by one of the worst fears of a parent yet you cling to Him! You believe, therefore you have spoken. He's not finished with you and Danni yet. You will both shine for Him by the time this is all said and done. And because of your writing His word for all to read, there will be many right there beside you.

Thank you God, for giving us Christy,in the middle of all that she is going through, she reminds us of Your promises. Please help all of us to lift her and Danni up. I ask this in Jesus' name ~ amen.

Jeff said...

Dult:
Grandma and I stood at the foot of your bed yesterday evening and just marveled at how absolutely beautiful you are. To see how GOD is using you everyday to touch the lives of so many people. After yet another surgery, to see the peace on your face, to sense that you know that GOD is in total control, you are my hero.
Love you!
Grandpa and Grandma Ervin

Anonymous said...

I PRAISE GOD for your witness. I face the same issues only in my own way. As I read your blog you encourage me to press on and have a desire to know you as a friend. The Lord has been teaching me the same lessons. My issues are more spiritual than physical with our children. He has given me the promises and I too choose to believe HIM. It is simple in words but a chosen focus to do. I pray for you both daily. You are correct!!! God has a plan and it IS GOOD!!!
Shirley Gill
13610 N. Ashbury Court
Nappanee, In 46550
574-457-6229 Cell

jill winslow said...

Christy,
Thank you for being so transparent. You are a living example of what I am trying to learn in my Bible study. We were talking about how to respond in times of crisis. Our story was about Joseph and his many experiences with crisis...from being sold into slavery by brothers, falsely accused and imprisoned etc...
I thought of you and of your honest struggle. Even though you have days that are tough, it is obvious that your faith in God is strong. Even though you struggle over seeing your "baby" in the hospital, you hang onto the fact that God holds each of us in His hands. I am inspired by you and encouraged to trust God more by watching you. God put Danni together...he formed her. He knows the plans he has for her...plans for a hope and a future. These are God's promises! I am continuing to pray for Danni's recovery and healing and also for you to continue to trust Him in all times. Thank you for sharing your very personal thoughts!
~jill (jj's friend)

Liz Lehman said...

Christi, After I read your letter I wanted to scream and feel anger for you. You are amazing and it does me a lot a good to read your letters and praising the Lord in all this.
I have a booklet of Joni Eareckson Tada, called God's precious love. I want to share the last page called When Pretty Things Get Broken "My life was just like china, a lovely thing to me. Full of porcelain promises of all that I might be. But fragile things do slip and fall as everybody knows, and when my life came crashing down, those tears began to flow. Now Jesus is no porcelain prince, His promises won't break. His holy Word holds fast and sure, His love no one can shake. So if your life is shattered by sorrow, pain, or sin, His healing love will reach right down and make you whole again, Joni Eareckson Tada.

Danni Frain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jj said...

Christy, About your John 3:16 scripture... I hope you told the poor man that his chair reclined!!! Love ya, JJ

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know that we are thinking about you and you are always in our prayers. In life we give love and in love we give life. Just remember to keep faith in your beliefs and with GOD all things are possible.
With love,
Mike and Shaunna

Anonymous said...

JJ-
LOL You bet I told the guy about the recliner! But he was too tall for it and his feet hung too far off the edge!

Good thing God and his salvation isn't like that! It fits us all!

Christy