Praises Along the Way--Precious Memories

December 11, 2008

I sat in Danni’s room with my bowl of cereal; the light from the window shone through my bowl and left diamonds of light for our cat to chase around the room. I know, cheap entertainment, but it made for an amusing breakfast.

The house is quiet, my mom has gone home and life has returned to normal, whatever that is and I can’t help thinking about the future, what does it hold for me? What will God have me to do next? I can think of a million things I need to do here at our home but what does he want me to do, what is it he’s calling me to, where is he working?

I want to be like Jesus and work where I see my Father working, but what? Where? I’m seeking him for the answers to these questions.

Memories of Danni are everywhere; she’s still here in the objects she used, in the things she created and in our hearts. She was so precious. I read a psalm that made me think of her today. I could see the body of this man who was speaking, David; wasting away…he is literally dying here. He speaks of his sin being the reason for his condition but I don’t believe that part is like Danni. Psalm 38 is what I’m referring to.

I am amazed at how it so accurately describes the death process I saw firsthand in Danni. I wonder did she feel the way David did in verses 21-22? O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

What a privilege to be there to bring her into the world and be there when she left, at her side stroking her arm and praying for her. I remember she opened her eyes a bit to look at me and then the next time I looked they were closed and her body took two more breathes but her spirit had already gone.

I heard in me, “Mom, I’m gonna go now,” I said in my spirit, “Go ahead, I’ll see ya later, go and be at peace.” That was the end. I shall never forget that holy moment. I took the oxygen off of her body and shut off the machine. I wept… all those months of struggle came out in a single moment. It was so surreal to see her laying there lifeless.

I kissed her on the cheek several times as I had before in life, she was out of pain the fight was over and she had come into a marvelous light. I am so happy for her. I am so blessed by God’s answer to our prayers. I know this sounds so strange coming from a mother who has lost her child but you never can know these feelings until you’ve been there.

I had 19 years to know her, what a blessing. Don’t take your loved ones for granted, invest time and love into them so you can have a life of no regrets. Don’t hold grudges against your loved ones, life is too short. Love them, love them, love them, no matter what!

Danni said in her journal, "I was so young and dumb. But I swore that I knew best...yeah right...I'm sorry to my mom the most...Ugh, I was an idiot. I can't believe she never gave up. I hurt her over and over again. But she still loved me. So cool and now she's taking such good care of me...I broke her heart cuz I thought I knew...I'm sorry."

Parents hang in there it is so worth it! They will see it some day. I know it gets tough especially with teens but actions speak volumes to them.

God’s word to us today is from Psalm 37:3-7a…Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…


Anonymous said...

Your blog is so increible! I look to it everyday for strength and courage just for everyday life. Thank you, Christy!
You have become a blessing to me.

Jeff said...

You brought tears to my eyes this day, and I thank you for that. It is so true, our children will come to understand why we do the things we must do. Love takes many forms for us as parents, and GOD will give the strengths we need to do the things that must be done. Our love to you Christi and Matt!
Jeff and Barb Ervin

beemanworld said...

You don't know me but I grew up in Shipshewana and have been following your blog for the past few months. I never had the privelege of meeting Danni but I know she was a sweet girl with a heart of a servant. Your blog has been such a testimony to it's readers and I know you will continue to witness to people you will never even meet through it. I am praying for you through these difficult days. Hang on to your faith, it will help to heal the hurt you feel through missing your daughter. Thank you for letting us in to get a glimpse of your life.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I am also from Northern Indiana (LaGrange County). I just started reading your blog in the last month and I am so grateful to have gotten a glimpse into your life. You have such a great perspective. Thanks for keeping my life going in the right direction through your ability to share your faith. I will be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Christy, to think that one moment she was seeing this world and the next heaven! How wonderful it is that you know that. She is not lost, she is praising her savior. In a place so beautiful we can't even imagine it. Your blog is such a light to so many people leading them to that very same place. Heaven, with our Savior, Christ Jesus. Thank you for sharing your faith through this walk that God has given you. My prayers are with you that God will continue to ease your pain and show you the next step in your walk with Him.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I get blessed every time I read this blog, so keep it coming sista.We love to read this blog. God is truly working through this website. Love you. Marianne

Anonymous said...

Thinking and praying for you.

Joetta said...

thanks for sharing from your heart. I'm amazed at your strength and faith - you are truly an encouragement to me. I'm trying harder to be there for my girls... instead of worrying about a clean house...praying you continue to sense God's peace and comfort. I know He has great plans for a book maybe??

Anonymous said...

You have been a blessing and an encouragement to me and so many others in your efforts to release and live thru your pain, but... When you're tired, and this blog becomes an obligation and is no longer a release for you, it is ok to be done and move on with life privately. Your obligations and your ministry are first to your family, not to "us." Be able to live out your grief as you need to. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Continuing to pray for you everyday!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone, Christy.

Maybe you should make a book of your blogs. A book about "a Mom, her daughter, and their thoughts".

Spiral bind it.

I know it would cost a lot - but if it were possible, it would encourage us all.

Anonymous said...

The book thing would be great, but even better the chance to share today what God is putting on your heart.