December 6, 2008
It's hard to believe it has been more than a week since Danni is gone. Time goes so quickly. Matt, the children and I are doing well. Slowly we've taken care of the flowers and straightened Danni's room.
It's nice to be able to go and be where she was whenever I'm missing her. It's the little things that I see that make me think of her. I opened the freezer yesterday and there were her favorite vegan sandwiches and her little frozen things of spaghetti sauce that I had stored away for her whenever she had a craving for a small bowl of spaghetti.
Or her shirt laying on the folding counter in the laundry room that makes me miss her. Our lives have gone back to what was before and it seems that Danni is just away at college.
I was painting my bedroom yesterday, my friends know that painting is my way of clearing my head and thinking through things, I bet our walls have 100 coats of paint on them. I had been wanting to paint our bedroom since we switched with Danni.
I was listening to the radio and three songs came on right in a row that meant so much to me during Danni's illness one of them says this:
I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for you are who you are no matter where I am and every tear I 've cried you hold in your hand, you never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.
I cried and lifted my hands to God and thanked him for being there and then I painted some more. There is another line in that same song that says:
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away...
Once again I praised him and cried. Danni was mine to look after until the day God required her to go home, that's how all of our children are to be to us. We are only entrusted with them for a short time but they are HIS.
The word says this in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
Because of Danni's faith in Jesus, we will see her again riding with him at the trumpet blast of his return if we are still alive to see it happen and if I have "fallen asleep" in death at that time I will be with them! There is no reason for me to grieve as one who has no hope, I have hope! Christ Jesus is my Hope!
It may sound simple and really it is! But it is the truth about the situation. Does it mean I won't have times of missing her? Obviously not, but the knowledge that I will see her again is a huge comfort that allows me to walk on in confidence.
Danni has graduated from the school of this life to heaven and all the angels rejoice! No more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, no more putting antifreeze in her car in subzero weather, the list goes on and on :) Why would I wish her back? For what? To face death again at some point? To suffer some more?
No! There is no need to fall apart, there is HOPE!! HE LIVES and so does she and so do I! Hope lives in me! This same Hope lives in you if you have received Jesus as your Savior.
I know that Danni was very concerned about her friends. As I was reading through her journal she mentioned several times that partying and drinking was all that her friends thought about. She had resigned herself to be done with these things, she even said she was sick of these things, she said that cancer changes everything. She said that she was concerned about her friends, "don't they know?" was her response.
Life is short, come to Jesus and let him fill your life as Danni did.
December 6, 2008