November 8, 2008
Days and nights run together. People come and people go from the house bringing love and prayers and food. Some stay the night and others stay for just minutes. Constantly love is poured out over us.
Rest comes in cat naps here and there. Sometimes when I do lay down I can't sleep. I'm tired of decaying flesh. I long for him to come and deliver her, deliver us. Its difficult to wait patiently on the Lord when I see the things I'm seeing.
Watching someone you love so much walk this lonely trail is exhausting, it's painful and I feel so helpless. Looking at pictures of how she used to be and seeing her earthen vessel today I realize how vain is all of the things we do to keep this flesh from wearing out.
I was having a hard time last night and the Lord said Job 23, I expected that he was going to reprimand me for the way I was speaking to him and instead the scripture was exactly how I was feeling. He knows what I'm going through, he watched his son die too.
He put his arm around me in our secret place and pulled me inside of him. He surrounded me with his Spirit, hiding me under his wing. How anyone can say there is no God or that he doesn't care about us, I don't know. He is so loving and kind, so long-suffering with us. He sees our needs and afflictions and gathers us to himself to hide us in him.
I know he's in control and I'm thankful for that but it's very difficult to know how I fit. What am I supposed to do in this whole thing? Painted on Danni's wall is the scripture..."Let be and be still and know that I am God" (Psalms 46:10). Often the Lord reminds me to look at the wall, over and over again he says, "Let be and be still and know that I am God" but what does that mean? How does one do that in the face of such grim circumstances.
"My grace is sufficient for thee, my power is made perfect in weakness," is another scripture on a picture hanging on her wall. How true. Do I completely understand what that means? I would be lying if I said yes. In the last few days, I've gone back to the solid truth...Jesus Christ and him crucified.
I am amazed at myself, up and down, round and round I go. I believe he is able but what is here for her when eternity is so close? She says she wants to live and then she says,"I just don't want to be in pain anymore." What a struggle must be going on inside her.
I have released her! I am not so selfish as to ask her to stay, believing for her healing is not my idea! So heal her God! Hasn't she suffered enough!?
I haven't lost heart or my faith but this whole thing has made me question why it is that I believe what I do about healing. It is such an illusive thing and has little to do with us. Little to do with our "feelings" or the way we pray, all that is flesh.
What it has to do with is God and his will and plan and we are just subject to it. Yes he cares and is a compassionate God but he's is not so impressed with our flesh and it is our eternal soul that matters most to him and rightly so! This life is obviously as the word says a "vapor, mist and flower of the field" it can be taken in an instant by the will of the one who created it and yet we live our lives as if we are in control. What a joke. We are so deceived!
He gives us opportunity after opportunity to come to him and enter into rest and peace and we snub our noses at him as if we have the ability to live our lives apart from him.
People if there is anything that I could say to convince you to accept him as your saviour I would but I fear that those of you who don't believe will continue in your paths until one day God will get your attention.
Out of his deep love for you he will continue to pursue you. I encourage you today to stop, turn around and say to him come into my life, you have my attention. Obviously your life won't be all roses if you come to him as you can plainly see by looking at mine but he will give you the strength in your weakness to be able to endure even the most dire of circumstances with grace and dignity.
Danni's security is set, her crowns are waiting, she let Jesus be Lord of her life and she will be with him at some point in time, eternally at peace. I want that for all of you; that is my prayer for you.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 He stands, inches from your face waiting for you to answer his invitation. Will you come into his arms of safety and allow him to hide you in himself even as he did for me today? He treats us all the same, what he does for me he will do for you. It's time for you to answer the call.
November 8, 2008