I (the mom) have felt distant from the Lord lately. I've been working and trying to hold everything together. Much too big a job for me. I feel like the last few weeks of my life have been a complete blur. Most days I don't know what day it is. Everything runs together. I try to spend time with God and I fall asleep from emotional exhaustion.
I found myself just crying out to him the other night in the shower, my only place of solitude; all I could do was cry out to him from the deepest parts of me. I found Psalm 22 for the "scripture for today" today, it stood out to me. When I cry, he hears me (vs 22-24). Sometimes we as people just want to be heard. When I had cried out to him I had peace again. He came in and washed over me. With every drop of his grace and mercy filling me again, I found the strength to keep walking.
Sometimes God carries us and sometimes we walk with his help. God carried me through Danni's surgery and now it's time for me to walk. His silence can be unnerving, but I have to trust that he's there and he'll never leave. If you are in a situation where God seems to be silent, get up and walk. He's there; he just wants to see if you trust him.
I have this picture in my mind of an infant walking holding onto a parent’s fingers. Every parent has experienced this where you pull away a bit to see what they can do on their own. But you aren't far away… and neither is God.
I praise you, Father, for the parent that you are to me! Causing me to walk through waters I've never been in before to bring a change in me. I praise you, Father, that you are never far away! May I live up to your expectations of me, may my life bring you praise and glory! I lay down at your feet the crowns you've given me from situations I've walked through with your help and I pray to be victorious and make you proud of me - to bring you glory and lead people to your wonderful presence so they can experience the love and grace and mercy and fulfillment of a relationship with you.
You are so much more than dos and don'ts of religion. In you there is freedom to be who you created me to be. Thank you, Father; set your children free. Amen
March 15, 2008, Praises Along the Way- Deep Cries
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2 comments:
Dear Christy,
When my son was ill, I wept in the shower and in the closet. It was the only place I could go to be alone and let my grief out. It does not show your weakness or your lack of faith...it shows you are a mother with a broken heart for your child. I do not have words for you...except let friends into your life. Oh, it helps so much to talk and share. Some will understand...some will not. Know that. Also know, that there are those of us out here whose hearts have been split in two as well, and we understand. This too shall pass.
Christy,
I'm Dave, one of Danni's friends from high school. I have to just say that reading your blog is so inspirational to me. I go to Bethel, a christian college, and sometimes even here you start to get caught up in life. I check this blog everyday to see how Danni is and to also read your words. It's So refreshing to see someone who leans completely on the Lord. I pray you keep this fire and zeal past the hard times and valleys. I pray this zeal stays with you in every day, mundane life :)
I'm praying for you guys
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